| Her hair was disheveled, which was unusual for her. | | | | Although this can be a frighten time of life for all |
| The mini stroke she'd suffered after the sudden death | | | | involved, it would serve humanity greatly if we could |
| of her longtime friend (right at the breakfast table. Put | | | | adopt the following: |
| her head down and BOOM. Transitioned into whatever | | | | - Adult children aggressively finding ways to |
| awaits us upon death with nary a peep) was evident | | | | understand this developmental phase of life more |
| in her slowed speech and inflexible fingers. | | | | thoroughly. |
| "I'm not going to be around much longer", she informed | | | | - Staying healthily detached would enable great caring |
| me. I gently confirmed with a question that she was | | | | to occur. |
| ready to move on. "Yes", she said. "But I'll need a perm | | | | - Understand that since we have not yet experienced |
| first". | | | | this phase, we cannot fully identify with it, however |
| Just the week before, a nurse at the home had | | | | acknowledging how someone is feeling during this time |
| expressed his dismay at the process in which the | | | | of life can work miracles. |
| death of residents were, or were not as the case | | | | - Resist the temptation to view this is as role reversal. |
| may be, handled. The body removed, the room | | | | It's not, though you will find that at times you need to |
| sanitized a new resident moving in as if the prior | | | | accept there will be some child-like behaviors (from |
| occupant never existed. | | | | both of you!!) |
| The movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" expressed this | | | | - Find ways to accept that this lovely person is |
| phenomenon when Evelyn thought Ninny, her friend at | | | | changing in profound ways, and may not resemble the |
| a nursing home, had passed and an aide was in the | | | | person of their younger days. However, I would |
| room removing all of Ninny's personalizations. "WHAT | | | | venture a guess that you change with each passing |
| IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE ? CAN'T | | | | phase as well. Just ask your kids. They'll tell you. ;-) |
| YOU WAIT A GODDAMN DAY, FOR CHRISSAKE?" | | | | - Look for the underlying feelings you are having that |
| I imagine this is what my friend, Flo must have been | | | | might be causing you to overlook and not support your |
| considering when she told me of her plans to move on. | | | | elderly counterparts. |
| Her dead friend's body was removed from the home, | | | | Get involved. Though not everyone will make it to |
| never to be spoken about again. What will that mean | | | | elderhood, many of us will. How might you want to be |
| for Flo? A resident of 12 plus years, with no surviving | | | | regarded at this phase of life? Have you considered |
| family. I wonder if she fears her legacy will be... no | | | | how it might feel when the day comes and someone |
| legacy. | | | | else is making decisions for you? How would you like |
| Whenever I spend time in the nursing home, I wonder | | | | to be treated if this becomes your inevitability? |
| similar things. But my thoughts go deeper. How can we | | | | Flo was feeling more like living the next day, however |
| serve the elderly more robustly? How might we | | | | those questions about how she will be remembered |
| understand the importance of revering this | | | | surfaced. We talked again and with as much |
| developmental stage in life? What can we do, | | | | assurance as I could muster, I promised her I would do |
| individually and collectively to create better | | | | what I could to raise awareness. |
| environments so that people might thrive rather than | | | | You've just read one of my attempts. |
| wither? | | | | |